“DESPAIR IS IN THE AIR Do you love to mingle and be associated with mentally challenged hoodlums, prostitutes, and murderers ? then don’t hesitate to join this hopelessly dejected community. You’ll absolutely love the robust, potent aroma of urine, mold, and black & milds! And if you don’t have a car? It’s no problem at all because the unit only has 30 unassigned parking spots, and if you’re lucky to find a spot after 7, It’ll either get broken into, stolen, stripped for parts or on its way to Mexico! NO Dogs, cats, or pets allowed, but no worries because house flys, ticks, fleas, maggots and roaches of all variances and sizes are included with each room! And for a special time only you can take advantage of a $10 deposit, for mice and rats. ABSOLUTEY NO LAUNDRY IN UNITS OR FACILITIES WHATSOEVER so no need to worry about the expensive price of washers and dryers. Love thrillers and horror? Directly next to an antiquated cemetery, and gas station that is the embodiment of violence! That’s not all, you can take advantage of not one but two bedroom apartments for 650 square feet, one bathroom, and demonic spirits ! WRETCHED personified, you don’t want to miss out! The property is always filled with trash, the maintenance doesn’t exist, gunk occasionally comes through the sinks and tub and the mailbox rarely gets compromised. ZERO TOLERANCE ??????? for respect, prosperity, integrity, luck, and a strong policy against success! Stop by and ask about our current specials You don’t want to miss out!!”
— 5201 Market St · Houston